Christian & Amanda’s Oregon Coast couples session on Tuesday was equal parts wildly epic and sentimental. The weather started out mild, but the winds brought in enough rain that we were all a bit soaked and tousled by the end.
But somehow, the weather was actually perfect for this session. It seemed to serve as a poignant reminder of how God has held Christian & Amanda in the palm of His hand this past year, even in the midst of the storm.
In April, Christian & Amanda lost their sweet lil baby at 6 weeks pregnant. The day that this blog is being posted would have been their due date.
In Amanda’s own words, here is some of their story:
I found out I was pregnant on March 16th and immediately told my husband. We were over the moon. My mom had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant due to endometriosis (it took my parents 10 years to have me) and I have always had a fear that I would face something similar. So I was super excited that we were able to get pregnant with little difficulty. The timing seemed to work out perfectly and it felt like things were falling into place. The next week I had my first appointment to confirm the pregnancy and then flew back to KY as this news needed to be delivered in person to my family! I wanted to wait to announce to friends and extended family until after our first ultrasound, scheduled for March 31st.Christian’s family came in after I returned from KY as his sister was getting married on April 3rd and lots of wedding prep was happening the days leading up to it! We told his family just a couple days before the first ultrasound, and it seemed like the next weekend would be absolutely perfect as we celebrated a new life and new marriage.On March 31st I went in for my first ultrasound. I was so excited to potentially hear the heartbeat, however, when we did the first ultrasound there was nothing there. There was evidence of pregnancy but they were not seeing what they should. I was confused and crushed. They didn’t want to completely write it off as a miscarriage just yet as it was possible I was just not as far along as we thought. So they scheduled me for another ultrasound on April 15th and the two weeks that followed were agonizing as I waited to see whether my baby would live or if it was already too late.After my sister in laws wedding, I spent about a week just in complete shock. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. Was there still hope to be had? I know I serve a God of miracles, but would this be one?The day came for the second ultrasound. I wasn’t really sure how to feel leading up to it, whether or not I should hold onto hope. What happened I did not see coming, which was that our baby had grown and so I wasn’t as far along as I thought, but there was still no heartbeat. I opted to have surgery the following Monday, and spent the next couple weeks recovering physically.What I didn’t expect was how long it would take to recover physically and just how much longer it would take to even begin to pick up the pieces emotionally. In just a moment everything I had planned for and dreamed of for our life and our child’s life vanished. I finally began to learn how to allow myself to grieve and what it looks like to walk through something like this with your spouse (side note-you will NOT experience it the same way and that’s okay).I also had to learn what it means to trust God and know that He is still good even when world-shattering disappointments happen. I learned that God is a comforter and a healer, and that He weeps with us in our pain, even as He sees how this is all going to come together for our good and His glory. This is something I will grieve in various degrees for the rest of my life, but I know that the God who led me through the past few months and has already brought good out of it will continue to do so.I think the biggest comfort for me was Psalm 73:28, “ It is good to be near God.” I heard someone describe it as God’s nearness is our good and that really struck me in my state of confusion and desperately looking for good things to come out of all this. God definitely drew close to me in tangible ways and I am forever thankful for that. I can’t imagine going through this without Him.
Christian & Amanda traveled from Arizona for this session, and wanted to commemorate their little one through these photos. But at the same time, they wanted to celebrate the ways that they’ve grown closer to each other and God this year.
It was heartache and joy, beautifully juxtaposed.
To Christian & Amanda; thank you for choosing me and trusting me. It has been my honor and privilege to work with you and tell your story. I’m praying for you today especially, that God would give you an overwhelming peace and joy in Him. Hugs!
Amanda’s dress is from Baltic Born Clothing.